(de)C Grade !

Eversince TV channels are flooded with boring comedy shows, C grade movies are becoming a popular source of entertainment. C grade movies are a great help to overcome a bad day at office, break up, frustration, boredom etc. they are great filler for nerds' drink party. a good thing about C grade movies is they hardly get a sponsor. so you can enjoy such movies without break. Everyone knows the importance of laughter. When you don't have a reason to laugh, watch C grade movie ! and trust me, C grade movies are no joke. There is a huge industry surviving on C grade movies. Remember one C grade song from the movie Anwar? (le lo le lo hawa mazedaar ! bangla khula khula !) People like Kishan Shah (the Subhash Ghai of C grade movies) and Mona Chopra (hottest babe from C grade movies) are earning lakhs and lakhs every year from C grade movies ! Thousands of people enter in mumbai without a godfather and end up doing C grade movies. working in a C grade movie is the best alternative to prostitution. watching a C grade movie is not everyone's cup of tea. you need that extraordinary viewer perspective for this sort of movie and there are certain pre-requisites as well. so here are the guide-lines on how to enjoy a C grade movie. (a disclaimer: i am no way a huge fan of C grade movies. All the C grade movies i've watched, all the C grade movies i am gonna watch, this article etc are just a product of boredom. as i had no other topic to write about, i am choosing C grade movies. so kindly, don't consider this post seriously. Moreover, i putting all south indian movies (dubbed in hindi), ekta kapoor TV serials, masala movies from bollywood, low budget regional movies, early morning horoscope shows on TV and faaltu news on Inndian news channels in the same category and that is C grade !)

1) First condition is you should watch C grade movie with at least 2-3 lukkha friends with you. and too prove that you the worst/best nerd among them, keep a print-out of this article handy :D

2) Usually, C grade movies have common stereotype story. Lead actress being kidnapped by a taantrik and his paaltu ghost. The whole relatives and friends group go to puraani haveli to rescue her. So if you have watched one C grade movie, you can assume the same story in another movie and start from wherever you wish. you can even merge two three movies and watch them.

3) the most common characters are Rich (& hot ?!?!?) student daughter, her married brother, their married friends, her not-so-rich boyfriend, a taantrik, a ghost or a spirit etc. of course, there are other characters like ramuchacha, driver, naukaraani, proffesor etc.

4) Dont laugh when you come across someone wearing black gown or with red eyes, or with bones in hands. They are ghosts and you are supposed to be scared when you see them. If that character is cover with cloths from top to bottom, assume its a male ghost. In remaining conditions, its self-explanatory.

5) Remember the following dialogs as they're gonna be repeated in every damn movie !

Aaiye doctor saahab, main aap ko baahar tak chhod deta hu.

Maine injection de diya hai. inko jaldi hi hosh aa jaayega.

arey isme takleef kis baat ki. ye toh mera farz tha.

Main tumhaare bachche ki maa banane waali hu.

Keh do ke ye jhooth hai ! bhagvaan ke liye !

chhodo na. kya kar rahe ho? koi dekh lega.

Police ne tumhe chaaro taraf se gher liya hai. apne hathiyaar fenk do aur apne aap ko kanoon ke hawaale kar do.

beta, mere baad ye sab kuchh tumhaara hi toh hai.

is haweli ki deewaro mein kayi saare raaz dafan hai thaakur saab.

6) Don't try to perform an audio-frequency-diagnosis of C grade music. otherwise, you come to know the fact that the music loop composed from very basic instruments is repeated at the rate of 3 cycles every 25 seconds and it will ruin all the fun of eye-candies used in songs.

7) weather in C grade movies is a function of current situation of the story. when its romantic scene, it rains with no clowd and bright shining sun in the sky. when there enters a ghost or taantrik, suddenly the brightness disappears and it turns all black cloudy, and need not mention, the lightening.

8) Though the soul responsibility of killing the evil, saving thakur's haveli and villagers' bahu-beti lies on hero's head, the heroine has to perform an item number to keep the taantrik busy while hero steals his tilasmi taavij. Hence, the importance of female lead character is proven.

9) mostly, all shocking scenes have a typical presentation scheme, which is much similar to microsoft powerpoint presentation or a slide show. Camera slides from left to right, top to bottom, then zoom in, zoom out. Repeat this for all the faces available at the site of situation and then finally fade out.

10) Newton's law of gravity doesnt influence anything for three seconds as soon as hero delivers a punch on someone's face. same with his kick. But the same law influences the key of heroine's car when she tries to run away and tries to open the car door.