Slipshod Phase

There are people who hold a social position that is tied around us since your very first minute on this planet and offer a warm comfort level that when you are in disaster, they are your very first option to seek help. Somehow, It has never happened so far. There is like a huge tall wall that can prove even the wall of china diminutive against it. Have always tried a lot to jump on the other side and have ended up smashing my head. Not the wall's fault. May be, just my fault. Now it feels like I myself have engineered the wall, made it full-proof, unbreakable for eternity. Either passion of taking on the world on very own self or; they being a conventional rear; the obvious expectations of theirs has nurtured the foundations of this wall. Whatever the reason, now we are beyond a point where this kind of observation or analysis is never going to help in (re)creating the commonly found bond. Guess, it's never in the destiny.

The strength of this wall has now affected everything around it so much that have left reluctant to open up even to those social and personal backbones who have stood by side since years. Situational cataclysms have created such matured breaches which are hard to diminish provided the level of frustration, saturation and impregnated disappointments on both the sides. Makes you avoid every sign from those whom you have disturbed thousands of times even at 2 @ night just so say hi. The starting point of entire butterfly effect can't be traversed that easily the way you can predict the very near future; which unfortunately, happens to be pure black blank. Negotiation and bargaining are the terms that infarcts the solace always experienced with family, friends, family friends and family of friends. Like you living inside a charismatic water bubble and everything looks so beautiful outside. Ignoring your anger, depression and frustration your you raise your hand to reach them and the bubble bursts apart, tearing off all the layers of lies built up over the time.

Isolation and solitude are the key tools to explore the inner side, only condition is they are self induced and not forced. But at times, the thin line difference between both the categories becomes blurred that it is hard to decide is it really helping or not. Inability to do something doesn't give much space to decide if doing it is right or wrong. Nor noticing scars on others' skin makes you forget your very own. It just doesn't let you have enough time to treat them. But that's never the ultimate solution. This isolation has brought one good thing; that is freedom. Not because the complete trust from beyond the wall. It's just that none gives a damn about what you do, where you are and how you have been. Communications imitating probably the most unselfish relations from outside; are nothing but just purpose and objective centric partnerships. Unavoidable needs have upgraded the breaches to an extent that physical isolation seems to be the most effective escape as of now.

Bullshit apart, but the question remains the same. Now what? may be, in former situation, there was no need to be desperate to find the answer; but guess now it is. Earlier, people were moving forward but now, it's you who is moving backwards. None of your single plan works out and setbacks over commitments have shaped up huge magnitude beyond your control over anything. Putting all your warm connections on stake, quitting is the only option you have left. The mania of reaching ultimate success have made you surrender all intermediate happiness. Unhappiness and unfortunate acts like a virus spreads rapidly among those who are responsible for your very own happiness. It's the time when you realize you have all the planets boozed up and rolling around in space wildly pushing you into an unpredictable fate. Something like a chopped off abandoned nail being pulled by seven muscular ants. Makes sense ? Damn, why April Effect has to come in april ! To define the epilogue here; guess I am at the opening of same confusing gigantic maze I had witnessed two years back at around this same time. And there is nothing much done for that apart from banging fingers on the keyboard. And guess even that is not helping. Decision of living in pure oxygen has taken away the capabilities of bringing things on screen. Putting emotions aside, after considering all professional, financial and social factors; a collective conclusion that arrives indicates only one thing; this is not what it was supposed to be.